Coming to America

Haven't been able to get on here for a few days. We went to Newark, or was it New Jersey, for Husband's mate's wedding.

It was the first time the kids had flown. Its strange how they're a minority now among their peers. When I was their age America and flying were just impossible dreams. You had to make do with The Munsters and Mary Tyler Moore to learn about America. Its funny how people now take this travelling business for granted.

When Husband was little, he and his family went to Majorca on holiday. Only comfortable and well-to-do people did that sort of thing then, and that holiday was the equivalent of a villa in Tuscany now. How different that sort of thing is now.

I myself hadn't flown for years so it was sort of the first time for me again. After a 7 hour flight and a one hour wait at immigration - why do they remotely presume i'd want to live in their stupid country - I could finally have a fag outside. God, did i go dizzy! Son panicked. I assured him it was only the fag. And the heat. Why was it so bloody hot! It was October for Gods sake and I only had winter clothes with me!

Felt like I was about to fall over with tiredness so I washed my hair and sat outside the Marriott hotel for a fag. Overheard these two black guys talking. They were talking just the way they did on Larry David or one of Daughter's Disney comedies that she constantly watches. They said things like Man and chillin' and Jive. That was the most exciting bit for me. Something that was just like on the telly.

Bit disappointed with the cars. They were mostly those big 4 wheel drive things that we have here. Expected a few cadiliacs and mustangs. Still the last time I saw an American car was on Bewitched.

We drove to Devon in Pennsylvania the next day. A beautiful and pretty town. But you don't get shops like the newsagent or a Happy Shopper. Its all drive-in things. But their houses were beautiful. White wooden things with endless storeys. And the church where Husbands' mate got married (for the second time) was like out of a picture. And what a carasmatic minister! He looked like a film star! Better than our poor down-at-heel vicar.

Afterwards the reception was at a posh country club with valet parking (why can you not park it yourself?) but it was all a bit tacky. And we felt disloyal to his first wife - also an American girl. This second wife seemed very pushy and bossy - still, so was his first. I think he just likes that sort of thing. But it did seem strange, Husband's old university friend from Humberside being immersed in feeding each other wedding cake and that. Some people just fit into other cultures like an old shoe. I never could.

The next day we went to their house - God Knows Where that bloody place was - but it was just amazing. But I was so tired - I couldn't sleep at that hotel - I wasn't really tuned into anything.

We had to go back on Sunday night and it was Son's 10th birthday on the Monday while we were still going over the Atlantic. I told the staff on British Airways but they didn't really put theirselves out for him. Although a very nice steward - why are they all gay? - explained they didn't take kids into the cockpit anymore. It wasn't allowed and it stays locked now. Yes, I understood but they could have done something for him really. That was the impression I got with British Airways, they couldn't really be arsed. But for the price of flying with them, they could bloody well make an effort.

Heathrow Monday at 9.30 am - could finally have a fag. Oh Boy! Unless they reinstate smoking again I'm not going further than Cumbria, I tell you! What was the point of buying 400 duty free Rothmans when you couldn't bloody smoke 'em?

When I went to Mexico City in 1994 I puffed my way through the 12 hour journey along with this Belgian woman. ( My Kids don't remotely believe me.) Those were the days!