Turn Back.........

My brothers, I can explain everything.....

I was running away, with my cat, and carrying one of those poles with my meagre belongings wrapped up in a tatty ball over my shoulder, when these bells chimed and told me: Turn back, Jenny Smith, turn back..

Alright, the truth was that they gave me 30 years, and while I was looking through the bars, thinking of you all, I started to make friends with this little bird......

Alright, Alright, I had a bloody headache all through the summer! There! You've got it out of me! Happy now?/?

Yes, this headache has another name, a more technical one, known as bloody kids on school holidays! Bastards! I am quite certain that this has been the worse summer ever in that respect. Daughter, 14, has given me such GBH of the earholes, and Son (nearly 12) well....he's just Son really. They're not very lovable ages I can tell you.

Daughter has really been the worse. Bursting into tears in the middle of M&S while shopping for shoes. A kindly saleslady offered her a drink of water. I gave her a sweet smile which read Why don't you sod off and leave us alone? Is this not embarassing enough, you old busybody! But what I actually said was No thank you. And that was the least of it!

At least Son buggers off out!

They've gone back to school today, and good bloody riddance I can tell you! Sod 'em, its just me and Jeremy Vine now, until half bloody term!

So how come I've still got a headache then????