The Real World

Have had to spend time in the real world this week. Didn't like it much.

Went to go into Coffee Republic and some chunky kid closed the door in my face.
"Thanks Chubs", I mumbled to him as I re-opened it.
South Park are quite right. The fattest kids are indeed the meanest.

The posh woman he was with succumbed to his whinging for a cheese sandwich and then
demanded a receipt for it. I bet if that had been her own money,
he would have had to bloody well wait till he got home.

There was also a mean kid in the chip shop. Well, he whinged a bit anyway. And his mum was
telling him he had to share his chips with his sister.

I smiled nicely at the little..... boy. I conveyed my thoughts to him:

"When i was your age, i never had to share anything. I had chips all to myself. And sweets
and ice cream, I could eat it all by myself. And i was a lot poorer than you. All your life, you'll
grow up with tight-lipped people and will have to share everything. You'll never knew the pleasure of a full plate!"

His face screwed up and went red. I think i have ESP.

Why am i being so mean to kids suddenly? My own child is only 10 - it wasn't even that long ago for me. And here i am waging a war on them.

Still scarred from my encounter with the old woman last week, I watched warily as a senior citizen stood behind me in the M&S queue. With one item in her hand. Well, what could I do? The poor cow. I asked her if she wanted to go in front of my unashamedly extravagent and full basket. Of course then I was stuck making conversation with her, wasn't I. She asked if I knew if a certain restaurant was still open in Hampton Wick. She'd been there 25 years ago and it was very good. Well, I mean, bless her. I wouldn't know a restaurant if it lived next door to me! And then, just before she got scanned, she leaned up to me confidentially:
"Don't ever get old," she breathed, "its horrible!"

So I'm not old yet? Not according to her I wasn't. A smile spread across my face. My young face. What was I saying about old people? That they were the best? Bless her heart. She can go in front of me anytime. Even if she had two trolleys!

A night at the Theatre

A night out at the theatre was needed. To take my mind off the nits and other things. So me and Husband, on our rare nights out together, AND time alone, we set off for the Richmond Theatre to see Alan Bennett's play ENJOY. Alan Bennett is fast becoming a national treasure and i've loved his work generally but he can still hit and miss with me.

It was a little known play that appeared in the West End in 1980 for a short run. And it was good. A bit nastier than you anticipate. But maybe thats a sign of a truly clever writer.

But the real subtext of violence and nastiness happened at the interval. There was a coachload of old people there - and i mean really old. Walking sticks and everything. Gosh, one old boy with a stick pushed people right out of the way. And so did some old girl. She was more violent than my late Gran after a few whiskies, and thats' saying something. I mean I do appreciate these old theatres are incredibly impractical especially when there's a full house like last night. And now with the smoking ban, it really is a cut-throat thing to make it outside. But really. I felt i was in the middle of a rugby scrum - and without a mouth guard!

Bloody blue-rinse brigade! I hope i don't get like that. Or perhaps i'm like that already. One thing is for sure , have been desperately trying to get Alan Bennett on the phone. I virtually have his next play written for him!

Bruised and battered this morning. That whole coachload have gone right on my bastard list. Under the Nits of course.