Saturday, 29 August 2009

Out in the Cold

Forgive me, my brothers, for once again straying. But it was not my fault. They have stripped me and abused me and taken the only thing of value I possess. Shame overcomes me and I shake as I tell you, my brothers but I am now off-line. Oh cruel, cruel. And those nasty Virgin people cannot come till next Tuesday, O my brothers and only friends, I am forced to make a life for myself in that nasty and cruel Outside World.

I dragged myself into the heartless High Street, wincing against the snow, rags on my back, my stomach empty, my soul barren, and crawled up the steps of the Dispensary. I begged them to take pity and asked if they could spare some vitalls and some cutter. They got the supervisor: She was harsh and cruel, Readers:
"Look Mrs Smith," the old bag said, " I have told you, you need to book in advance for a terminal. And you are not Alex de Large, you are not dressed in rags and my colleague saw you stuffing a Big Mac by the river an hour ago, you greedy cow!" I shivered and begged for mercy. And assured her, tho' my skirt was from Gerry Weber, it was purchased in a sale. She was unimpressed. She heartlessly continued:

"And incidentally, it is 27 degrees outside and we are a public library. If you call us the St Vincents Dispensary again, the council will sue! You are not Frank McCourt and this is not Angela's Ashes - which by the way, I think is very overrated!"
Not enough bodice ripping in it for you? I suggested meekly.
She went a funny colour. And really, such a barrage of bad language followed. And from a Vicar's wife too!
You see the conditions I have to put up with.

My life is like a large and open void. I am friendless, fruitless, miserable. And I've only got an hour on here! And most painful and humiliating of all is that I can't bloody smoke! Oh my brothers..........

13 comments:

Marie and John said...

Life can be so cruel...

xxxxxxxx

PS Glad to have you back

Suburbia said...

What a bugger! Hope you can get back to normal soon.

Are Virgin top of your basard list now?! (Can't wait for the return of said list!)

Elizabeth Bradley said...

We went through the same thing a few weeks ago, I have to say our library supplied us with a lovely place to plug in and work. But home is still best. I feel your pain.

Kerrie said...

Hello, I stumbeld this way and I have very little idea of what you are talking about, who is Gerry Webber? but I loved it anyway.

St Jude said...

Ah Virgin.. I've been there too. It is quite scary out in the real world I've just got back after 18 months out there. Shudder!!

Dave Pie-n-Mash said...

Virgin is the horse hair shirt that must be worn by the sinning masses.

French Fancy said...

Life at a library or internet cafe is not the same as lounging at home, shrieking at the animals to behave and avoiding answering the front door. It's a hard life out there without being on-line. I'll wear a black armband for you, Jenny Smith.

French Fancy said...

p.s.I've got a Gerry Weber jumper - too clingy now but it was nice once

Jennysmith said...

O my brothers, a kindly cafe manager has taken pity on me and let me have this site for half an hour (after he screwed a quid out of me!).

Bless you for your support, my only friends. Yes, Gerry Weber is a german company that make posh clothes for older women. Well made stuff like nicely cut skirts and that. Bit on the expensive side. Love it all but wouldn't have touched it when I was younger!

Nice to see some new people here. Welcome to my cruel and souless world, brothers.

Yes, Virgin hold my heart in their hands now - sob! Will think of you when I go back out into the cruel wilderness xxxx

Polly said...

How dare she.....

The Dotterel said...

Hey Jenny - did they have my novel in their library I mean dispensary?

Rebel Mother said...

A bloggers nightmare - virgin are totally heartless!

RMxx

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