Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Domestic disputes

Well, thought i'd get a quick one in before putting on my lunch. Have a frozen sweet and sour chicken to eat before going to work. Am scared to go to The Supermarket today in case that unpleasant bloke from Friday has complained about me. But you can't put these things off. And the man was Asian. Frightened they will turn it into one of those Hate crimes. Still that nice young boy in the next till at the time told me that he would punch him in the nose for me. And he was Asian. And I would have certainly refused to serve a white person if he or she spoke to me like that too.

Anyway, stuff it, I'll just go back bloody home.

Well, last night, as you know was a Monday night. This really is the worse night of the week, especially as winter approaches. The first night of the working week and the night you're the most tired. So thought i'd have a relaxing evening with the kids and Husband (No supermarket that night). Well, who was I kidding??? Husband said he'd do supper. He likes to do it so i don't argue. BUT the moment i sat down for some quality time, the washing machine needed emptying. Sit down again, the dishwasher needed emptying. Sat down then realised i hadn't done the washing up! Sat down again and it was time for Daughter's bath. Husband does Son's bath, I do Daughter's.

And then after supper at about 9 pm, i had a pile of sewing to do. At least when I go to the Supermarket, i'm paid for it! Thought i'd put today aside and catch up with some reading, it is now 12.15 and have I read anything????

Going out tomorrow. Don't care where.

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Weekend Blues

Just thought I'd come on here for a quick one before ironing and the Archers omnibus. Was supposed to go to church but skipped it today. Couldn't face another morning of rushing about.

Hasn't been the weekend I hoped it would be. Have been busy so many weekends lately - have been a temporary "customer service" staff in the local stadium sports shop - but this time Saturday was free to spend with my family. Well, Daughter lost it with me, screaming that she wished she was adopted. Teenage rampage creeping in fast! Son argued loudly with Husband (those two are like cat and dog!) and Husband had a cold - enough said.

And this morning before the blokes set off for rugby, there was shouting and banging doors. I am not enjoying my weekends lately!

On Friday night, working at the Supermarket, one customer spoke to me so badly I refused to serve him. I called the manager over, a slip of a young girl, and told her that that man had been so unpleasant to me and I didn't want to serve him. She didn't ask any questions just took over and served him for me. But I was still angry he got away with that.

But I hung around her and took over as soon as she'd finished with him. I didn't want him to think i'd gone for a break or anything. I just wanted him to know I wasn't serving him but would serve everybody else. I don't care, i'm not paid enough to put up with that sort of thing.

But what would have happened if there'd been real trouble? As I say the one remaining supervisor that time of night was only young and unprepared and they now have one security guard at the door. They always used to have security guards buzzing everywhere - now they have all gone. That store's losing money right left and centre. People are fleeing into the arms of Lidell and Aldi. Serves these greedy supermarkets right but now anything could happen and you are so vulnerable.

So I guess that hasn't helped much. Well, Jack Woolley awaits, so does my love Matt Crawford. Life isn't all bad I guess.

Thursday, 25 September 2008

You can't take it with you....

do you know I really envy people who say they spend too long at a computer and want to take "time out" (or whatever its called). I cannot get on a computer enough and want to take er - "time in" . I really resent it I cannot get on here sometimes. I won't be able to tomorrow either or Saturday. It seems a small whinge really but this blogging thing is such a new and amazing world to me and yet I can't commit to it properly.

An extraordinary thing happened on Sunday when I went to see my Mum. She gave me a cheque from late Dad's estate, it was a few thousand to "go and buy myself something". So after thanking her of course, I came up with this brilliant idea of getting a laptop for all the family to use and get rid of this dusty old boneshaker in our bedroom. The laptop could be used anywhere in the house and no-one would then troop into my bedroom to use the thing!!! I get fedup with it - how can my chamber be a wonderful love palace when Son and his mates are playing Runescape in it?

Anyway Husband was really offended! Why didn't you tell me you hated our computer, he said hurt. You'd have thought I'd confessed to an affair or something! I thought he'd jump at the chance of someone else footing a bill that would benefit him. The daft sod! And he gets to choose it and everything as I know jack-all about computers. He hasn't mentioned it since. Am tempted to go down PC world myself if i wasn't so out of my depth!

Under Mum's instructions I went to the main shopping centre yesterday to treat myself. In the old days I would have bought up loads of short and low cut dresses and any other toot i could lay my hands on. But being older now i showed great restraint. I bought these beautiful purple trousers with 3 tops to go with it. I then bought some shoes which I wasn't wild about but was fed up with looking (was hungry)

But it doesn't give you much happiness does it really. I wasnt that thrilled with anything. Is it because i'm getting older? Or have I outgrown shopping? Can;'t imagine anyone outgrowing that. I can really see why these rich people are so bloody miserable. Why they go on drugs and that. I have never seen a "drug" in my life - I'm sure i would have done if i'd been rich.

One thing i really did enjoy buying was this lovely fabric with cowboys on it from Kath Kidson. Going to make a "successful" cushion this time. I'll have to at £18 a metre!!

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

My First Meme

a) Four places I go to over and over:

The river by the Richmond towpath
The local memorial gardens for my weekly "Think"
A small local cafe for coffee with my pal once a week
and yes, blogland

b) Four people who email me regularly:

My friend Medford
Husband when he's querying a credit card receipt
Ebay with my favourite items
(Boring isn't it)

c) Four of My Favourite Places to Eat:

A local tapas place
The pizza restaurant round the corner
Sam Pan Inn (Great Chinese food)
The Green Spice - a great local tandoori

d) Four Places You'd rather be:

Walking in "Spooky Gardens" - a local beauty spot with scary statues
Walking down the South Bank
Bed (sleeping)
My Gran's old house full of happy childhood memories

e) Four TV shows I could watch over and over:

Brookside (sadly missed)
Larry Sanders

f) Four People I think will respond:

The Dotterell
Dulwich Divorcee

Gosh, I hope thats all okay.

Monday, 22 September 2008

Pushy Mums!

Phew! Finally get the computer to myself now everyone's cleared off to work and school and everything. Even the cat's gone outside! I understand at weekends that everyone wants to have a go on it but i begrudge not even getting a look-in. Even the cat gets priority over me.

What a monday morning! Sometimes these things start quite innocently. Went into a well known bookshop for a birthday present for one of Son's numerous friends and saw a mum there from school. Her daughter is in the other year 5 class. I know her daughter's class teacher who Son had last year. All i did, i swear, is remark that Son took far more interest in literacy with this teacher than before - he used to think literacy was for girls! - and the cow replied that the previous teacher said her daughter was phenominal at maths. My pal and I couldnt' even pronounce that word!

Now was this my fault? Did i provoke this? I remember when we were in reception and this mother told me that her Daughter wanted to go to Tiffin school - a nearby grammar school where thousands of kids fail to get in - and I said No, YOU want her to go to Tiffin school. Do you think she held a grudge?

I know this is wicked but I really hope this kid doesn't get in. I could not bear the smugness on this woman's face. I mean if it was me, I would be smug too. But please don't let her in.

Not trying for any grammer school with Son. These things lead to heartbreak. Found out this with Daughter who took the Tiffin exam. A regular 95 % in her tutor group and she ploughed the actual exam. And its a comfort that you hear about so many clever kids who don't get in there AND get a terrible score. But that didn't stop my heartbreak.

Son can be clever when he tries but I 'm not sure I could bear to "hothouse" him. I look at him when he comes home from school, lying on the sofa eating sweets and reading his Beano and cannot bear to shove those 3 for 2 WH Smith verbal reasoning books under his nose. Didn't have to with Daughter, she kind of hothoused herself. Son loves his mates and football too much. The comprehensive next door to his present school for him!!!!

Oh well, I suppose I could say he's phenominal at football. If I could pronounce it, that is.

Friday, 19 September 2008


Well, two reasons to end it all today:

Last night I attempted to make a cushion with this beautiful liberty fabric. I actually finished the job and stuffed it and everything - but it was a disaster! It was supposed to be heart shaped, it came out in the form of a pair of old baggy knickers! Although kids and Husband assured me it was nice, I had gone too far into the depths of despair!

I just can't' cut out material properly. Was going to do a pattern cutting course at the London College of Fashion until I found out it was £300!

I also blame it on Brokeback Mountain that I had on on Film 4 whilst making it. I didn't know they actually fulfilled their relationship! I thought it was a repressed thing - the love that dare not speak its name and that! Well, it was shouting it out! Those two cowboys, honestly! They were either snogging or fighting! Felt like banging their heads together! Anyway it was their fault my cushion was rubbish, especially Heath Ledgers'.

And this morning in Hounslow High Street, in WH Smith to be exact, got chatting in the queue to this friendly Asian lady explaining about the Christmas annuals being Buy One Get Half Price - and she sweetly enquired if they were for my grandchildren! Wanted to jump off a building there and then!

Surely its commonplace for older mothers now! I mean when daughter was a baby I had a few people enquire if that was my first child but not an outright accusation of being a Grandma!! Thats it , a trip to the Hairdressers for me! Get those blonde highlights in. Mind you, even when I have them done, people still comment on my grey hair!

A comforting lunch of lasagne is bubbling away in the oven now. And a promise of the Archers at 2 o'clock.

Thursday, 18 September 2008

A true Portrait

do you like this recent photo of me?
This is the look I have aspired to after watching On The Buses at 13.
Everyone was always rotten about Olive. I thought she was fabulous and wanted to grow up to be a "clippie" and look like her. And flirt with people like Jack and Stan. And they were all such a close knit family that had lots of laughs - even that miserable Arthur. I wanted to be part of a family like that.
They're desperate for women bus drivers now apparently. They are very under-represented. Good money too and flexible shifts. Still not the same as being a clippie though with a short skirt. Not that I could wear those now.
Have been doing some decorating on my page. What fun this all is! Why didn't anyone tell me before?
Wanted to post the images of Peter and Jane. Have always been fond of them. When Harry Wingfield, a main illustrator of those books, died, they said several grown women claimed to be the original Jane. But it was indicated he invented everything - the people, the shops etc.
I bought a load of those Ladybird books from a local jumble sale when Daughter was a baby and I swear, I mean really swear, she learnt to read by them. When she was 3. I really believe they made her a quick and natural reader, like they did for me.
Son hardly looked at them and reading always comes difficult for him. So that proves my theory a bit.
No work today. Last night on the checkout, I was so hungry. And someone had left a pork pie behind - it was under the carrier bags. Some poor customer must have paid for it and left it there. I wasn't going to put it back. Someone had paid The Supermarket for it, why should they have it back on their shelves. So when my shift finished, I took it to the lockers with me. But terrified of random searches when you leave the building, I started eating the evidence on my way out. Waving to the security guard, the poor sap!!
Its Meet The Teacher today after school. Any Mother knows its quite boring and there's always some bloody parent who will ask a long-winded and rehtorical question. So will look in for 10 minutes as I have never met this bloke teacher before. My eyes glaze over after that. Its not nearly the same as Parent/Teacher consultations. Year 5 is a bit of a rotten year. You don't go on a trip like in year 4 and you don't have the privilliges like you do in year 6. You're just a bored bolshy 10 year old. And that awful cynism has seemed to set in with my Son. Everythings "wierd" or "boring" or something.
Well, cigarrettes don't smoke themselves! Better go

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Just like a bus 2

No, the comedy did not remotely help. Did some dusting tho' and found the instructions on how to make a nail file cover (Thank God for Prima magazine I say!).

Going to have beans and jacket potato for lunch. Need all the energy I can get. Then will trudge to work for 3.15.

Oh yes, and I got the beds made!

Just like a bus....

Gosh, haven't blogged for days then along come two at once. But I guess thats what these things are for! But I don't want it to be like the old days ('70s) when I would get some lovely diary for Christmas with a lock and that and use it 3 times max!

Was going for a walk this morning. Thats all really. But did I?? did i hell?? Am I so unfit and so slothful that I can't go for one solitary walk?? No, don't answer that. Don't feel that well today actually. Don't know whether to phone in sick to The Supermarket or not. Don't want to use a "sick day" if I can help it. Want to save that for emergencies , like if one of the kids are ill or something.

Got this beautiful fabric from some posh shop in Kingston some weeks ago. Was going to make some cushions as Christmas presents. Even got the stuffing from John Lewis. And have I done it? (you know the answer to that). My mind is too distracted somehow.

AND there's housework - again! Why? Oh why?

Might listen to the comedy on Radio 4 and see how I feel after that. Better go.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008


Well, I get so excited at creating my own blog and then leave it almost a week before I write anything again!

Trying to get on this computer in the first place is an ordeal. Like getting an appointment with your GP! First Grumpy Husband is on it, then Daughter, then Son , then the Cat! Well, I'm exaggerating but you know what I mean. And the thing is stuck in my bedroom which seems to be the meeting centre and base of the whole house. My bed constantly has Daughter's homework on it - and Son's Nintendo games - why are those things so small??? Theres such a thing as being TOO compact.

A laptop next time. Husband talks sense at last. But when will that be I wonder. Meanwhile I have to book a "window".

How about this Autumn term then? School clubs and PTA meetings thrown at you from all directions. Its almost aggressive. Football Club is particularly cut-throat with only 20 places available. I rushed down there this morning and put the fiver and the form in Teacher's hand. Son would be unbearable to live with if he didnt' get in his morning football club.

I don't recall any clubs like this when I was at primary school. There were a few societies at secondary but not as much as there are today. The only options you had were Horseriding (that was too posh for us) and Brownies (a waiting list as long as your arm!). There were none of these chess clubs and art clubs and that. I wonder if it really benefits a child that much. I mean football club actually benefits us as a family as Son is easier to live with afterwards. But otherwise do they really get anything out of it? I know my Son's best friend hates doing Drama club but the mother is thrilled he's doing such an arty type subject. But I don't want to disillusion her.

Daughter, like me at 12, refuses to do anything. No tennis, no English club, nothing. She wants to sit and read or do homework. She hardly wants friends round and is reluctant to go to the youth club. Bless her! I used to be happy in my own little world like that.

Anyway its nearly lunchtime and jacket potato is nearly ready and i'm out of cigarettes. And there is a bundle of housework! Why is this? I only work an 11 hour week, why has it piled up like this? Another of life's little mysteries i suppose.

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Welcome to the Ciggarette Diaries

Er - Yes, Hello and welcome.

This is a blog by a Mum who is looking at 50 very soon. A new era - so they tell me.

I knew my scribblings would never so sophisticated and theatrical as Simon Grays' The Smoking Diaries so I've made a downmarket version.

I live in a tiny house in West London (well, Middlesex really), with my daughter 12 and my son 9, nearly 10. My Husband who will be known as Grumpy and my controlling cat who will simply be known as Cat. This house is either shrinking or we are outgrowing it. Not sure which.

I work in the local supermarket as a part-time cashier - meaning i'm on the checkouts and er- thats it. My world is very small but (I think) entertaining and is filled with so many things.
And yes, I smoke. Don't know whether to be proud or ashamed. As Oliver James said about his nicotine habit - I'm not proud of smoking but I'm not ashamed of it either. What a man eh?

Well, this is it for now. Am feeling a terrible need to describe my life up to now - maybe thats a 50 thing, I don't know. But I also need to whinge about my kids and schools and friends and that. So watch this space.