Friday, 31 July 2009

This Time tomorrow....

Got a coffee in the park (my normal bench was bloody taken!). A kiosk-seaside-type-stand thing. Does brilliant cappuchinnos. Woman before me creating havoc because the man did not do Baby chinos. You know those little cups of coffee you get for kids in big coffee chains.

"You're opposite a playground," she shrieks, "You should do them!"

Give 'em a can of Fanta, love, I think sleepily. Or sod off to Starbucks. The man does ice cream doesn't he? What more do you want?

Bloody Richmond types! Glad I'm sodding off to Warsaw. I hope Polish mothers don't carry on like that! Mind you, it won't matter, I won't be able to understand a word they say!

4.30 this morning we have to get up for our flight but I don't care. It'll be nice to get away.

Two problems it seems with renting: smoking and pets. Well, the first one I can deal with. Will have to pretend I don't smoke. I have never wanted to stoop to that. I wanted to be like Oliver James, who says he's not proud of smoking but not ashamed of it either. Didn't want to compromise that one. Looks like I've got to - and certainly smoke outside.

The other is pets of course. I can't pretend we haven't got Rose the Cat. And as much as I moan about her, we semi-worship the little cow. And of course all the catteries will be fully booked up. Thought we could shove her there for a couple of weeks, then kind of sneak her in.

Will ask my Mum if she'll have her when I get back. But I bet the answer will be bloody No.

Now tell me who wants Vodka brought back and who wants fags.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009


Teacher Man wants to complete mid-August! Wah! We will be homeless! But I don't want to piss the buyer off - and this has been going on since January. I feel wicked about our once-treasured home but I really want to get the hell out of here!

Husband came over all pompous and said its about our convenience , not his. Arsehole! We have lost two buyers - I do not want to lose another one. He agrees to bloody August or else! Stupid sod. Rent city for us.

Went back to the agents of the house we lost. Their move is going badly! Well, what a bloody shame that is! He said he will tell them about our impending move but we've heard bugger-all back. And I tell you one thing - they are not having any more money. (We got a bit more with this offer). The greedy bastards went to another buyer because of a higher offer but it sounds like they've had that one! Thats the thing now. Its all very well making higher offers but convincing the mortgage lenders to give you a higher loan is quite another matter.

Viewing a house tonight. Got to take our shoes off apparently. Gone off that one already.

Cat bit my foot

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Haircut 100

Now don't you laugh! I know they've cut it a bit short but there's no need to snigger.

I mean I'm the first to admit that this harsh haircut makes me look a bit Big Bertha-ish out of a prison but I assure you it will grow (soon, i hope).

Was that someone laughing over there? And you, next to her, in blue, you can wipe that smile of your face too. Now look! Its not that short - ok?

You can really see the grey in my hair now. Oh Lordy! Has anyone got some peroxide? I've got a paintbrush here somewhere.

Whatever got into me? What happened to that nice little trim I was going to have? Why did I get it shorn off like a bloody sheep? Did I think I was on a farm somewhere?

I think I've got a brown paper bag somewhere. Just got to cut out two eyeholes!

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Gawd Blimey!

Three days now I have been trying to post on here! Three days!!

Wednesday we had another surveyor round here (one the third buyer paid for himself). Welsh bloke , nice and that, reminded me of that one in Marion and Geoff - Keith Barrett wasn't it. He told me to just ignore him while he went round the house. Then the minute I touched the keyboard, it was yak, yak, bloody yak. The silly sod.

Kept telling me about the last house he went to, where the woman was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Well, I mean, bless her and all that but let me get on with my bloody posting!!! And then he was banging on about our slate roof. The stupid git! I just gave up and logged off.

And yesterday, we went to a private screening of the new Harry Potter film on Tottenham Court Road. A corporate thing from this bank Husband uses at work. Run all the way up that bloody long road in me best shoes, didn't I. We got a free pack of sweets as we went in, popcorn and a bottle of water by each seat. And the film started promptly.

Now, I don't want to be like that Jonathon Meades and call all Harry Potter material complete shit like he did. (In the Radio Times too!). I think thats very ungenerous of him - and also a bit of Green is in there I think. But the prospect of sitting through this bloody thing.....

However I got lost in it as best I could and then the wonderful climax and highlight of the film suddenly appeared before me. The Fag Break. Daughter said she wanted to go to the loo. Well, how could I miss an opportunity like that? Grabbed my bag and followed her out. And just kept going. I knew I was going to lose the plot. But then I'd lost it about two hours ago!

Puff back here and fell asleep before I even entered the password.

And this morning, I get logged out by the computer itself, telling me its putting in updates or some such shit. Bloody machines - telling me what to do. Bastards!

School breaks up tomorrow. Oh Lordy!!

Friday, 10 July 2009

My Giddy Aunt!

In the words of the great Supertramp - what a day, a year, a life its been.

Monday, our car is fracked and we get screwed for £300 from the garage. Wednesday, the tap won't turn off and the (quite nice ) plummer charges £230 for his trouble. And yesterday, we find out we have lost our potential and dream house for good! (3 toilets!).

What is it with this ill-fortune? I try to be good and God-fearing and that. Why is the world punishing me like this?

Ironically our third buyer (!) has a survey booked for Monday. Well, he needn't rush now, need he??

Hoovering the bloody carpet then I'm off out to get a double strength cappucinno and a pack of triple strength fags! Anyone wanna join me? I'll be at the park bench in about an hour!

Anyone see that Pyschoville last night?

Friday, 3 July 2009


What is it with this work shit??? I'm back there again, at the sports shop, stocktaking again!!!

Why??? Why am I stifled like this???? Why am i being held back as an artist - again!!! Tho' I suspect the £8 an hour has something to do with it.

But I have a phobia about work and that. I've had the tests and everything. A bloke in an office in Hounslow High St told me that I'm scared of work. Had to pay him £50 first tho'. Funny, i can't seem to get hold him lately. And they're very unimpressed at work with the certificate he wrote out.

Got a photo published in the local rag. As above. Bloody twats chose the worse one! Shit-for-brains two penny publication! Not even good enough for bog paper.

Am miserable. Time for a fag. And a drink. The cat bit me.