Monday, 28 September 2009

Crueller Still........

Oh my brothers, they have forced me out on to the streets once more. To a place called Work. Me, with my nerves, having to go there. With my nervous disposition and everything. I have a condition, you see. Husband got it diagnosed for me: its called work-shie - I think its Latin. More commonly, the last word is pronounced Shy.

I begged Husband to go and get some sort of herbal cure while I lay down. And also begged him to phone in sick for me. He returned from the Pharmacist empty-handed. He told me the nice young man advised a verbal cure. I looked at him weakly with non-comprehension. Husband recited the ancient mantra passed over to him from many generations: Get off your big arse and get to work like everybody else, you lazy cow. The insensitivity of it, o brothers, thats what I find hard to live with.

In the stockroom at the sports shop, unloading stuff with some 17 year old boy. Worried about a girl he's seeing. Thinks they might "do it". Scared about his nether regions. Frightened he's too small. I told him every boy thinks that because they saw their Dad's one when they were little. They grow up thinking their's is smaller than their Dad's and inadequate. I mean everyone know's that shit.

He begged me to look at it and give my opinion. He felt he could trust me, he said. So we locked the door and he presented himself to me. He was bloody enormous! The silly bugger. He was huge! These bloody blokes. Put it away I told him. That would satisfy any bloody girl!

Then he had the cheek to scrounge a lighter off me! Haven't I transformed his life enough? Bloody hell! Still, all in a day's work. Back to the stockroom tomorrow - new England shirts arriving. What a load of old shit!

11 comments:

Dave Pie-n-Mash said...

You should have written a comment on it and signed it. Something like: "I saw it first - Jenny." Then dated it.

@eloh said...

Hummm, where might I procure one of these manhood judging positions?

Imagine if someone would have tried to pop in whilst the judging was in process....

Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst said...

Haha! Oo-err...can I get a job like that please? it doesn't seem too hard..oops..sorry, I mean the job!

French Fancy said...

Oh blimey Jen - thank goodness someone didn't storm in and take a photo -as if :)
I've got a younger man - maybe you could be this bloke's Mrs Robinson

Suburbia said...

Unfortunatly I have had to make my blog invite only. If you still want to read my ramblings then please e mail me (address on my profile page) and I will send you an invite x

Woman In The Midst: Raw said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! OMG.. This is hillarious.. Where were these stock boys when I was working???!

Rebel Mother said...

Love the Latin Work-shie! Fab!

I cant even remember what a blokes nether regions looks like. My memory does not serve me well!

Oh, my kingdom for a stockroom!

RMxx

Chairman Bill said...

Huge compared to whom?

Lady Shinola Mudbutt said...

Do you think he was just showing it around...you know...weenie waggling?

Wonder if he has this same little secret with anyone else. Man, that would make me feel used...then I'd start demanding to see it a couple times a day until he cried.

The Dotterel said...

Sorry. For a moment there I thought you were comparing the size of gentlemens abdominal protectors. Your shop must sell them. Cricketers wear them. They come in one size. Get your 17 year old to wear one.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

just add PENIS INSPECTOR to your list of employment qualifications