Friday, 16 October 2009

Bloody cheek!

Would you adam and eve it? Of all the nerve! I mean Really????

Babysitting at mate's house. Dark already! Go outside for a fag don't I . Felt something fall spookily over my shoulder. Screamed - assuming it was a zombie - it was only a bloody spiders web! Walked right through the bloody thing!

Beside me was a spider hastily scrambling up on what was left of its web. It gave me a filthy look. Look where you're going, you stupid cow!, it glared. I told it: Excuse me mate, we'd all love to put down webs where we'd like, haven't you heard of consideration and Council tax? And how much rent are you paying here? I keep forgetting.

Spider tutted and went on making a new web. The cheek of these scrounging buggers! I mean I know they're Gods creatures and that, but really! Anyway I took a shot of the cheeky sod, threatened to expose it and sell it to the Sunday Sport. It went pale at that one, I tell you!

Interfering with my fag like that! Bloody cheek!


Woman In The Midst: Raw said...

CREEEEPY!!! I hate walking into spider webs and hate even more when those wretched things scurry up and around me! I squish 'em flat as a pancake! Your picture gave me the shivers!! You're so much nicer than me.. You let it scurry away even after it interupted your smoke! NOT ME! It would've been dead as a door nail, God's creature or not!

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Poor spider, all that damn work and all because you needed a fag, ruined. Some people just have no compassion!

JS, wonderful post, wonderful blog. I came here at your own stumbling across my Blogger's Cafe:
on which you are now listed and featured in this weeks blog review. Pop along and check it out, there is an award that goes along with it.

I have followed, please keep me entertained.


Stigmum said...

Next time sell it to the Sunday Sport! I read once that spiders used to symbolise money and were considered lucky!
Having said this though, I always find the furry fuckers in the bath tub and thinking of the cash get a piece of card and a glass and shove it over the balcony. I have not won the lottery yet but any day now, any day....!

Jennysmith said...

Bless you Treasures for your sweet comments.

Yes, WITMR, that is usually a hangable offence for any one or thing who interferes with my fag! Dead men don't tell tales , my dad used to say , which I THINK know what that means. That scrounging little git got off lightly!!!

No, Stigmum, do not treat them humanely. They do not deserve it. Husband does exactly the same as you - or actually picks the things up and puts 'em out the door. Well, I tell you, one of those ungrateful buggers actually bit him once! They do not know the meaning of gratitude! Follow Woman In The Midst's example!

And Argentum Vulgaris - welcome. Thank you so much for your support and lovely comments. As I said, I found your blog by accident and am so very glad I did. Its stunning! And so clever.

And thank you for including my post, I'm thrilled about this. Not everyone "gets it" - the whole politically incorrect humour of it all. But I have been pleasantly surprised by the number who do.

And thank you for my lovely award. Shall treasure it. And will follow your blog.

One point: I thought twice about going into the garden for a fag just now. Was terrified one of those crab things was going to get me! You may have done some good here.

Yours to the ranks of death xxx

Suburbia said...

They look kinda juicy though don't they?!!!!!

Charlene said...

AHHHHGGGGGGH! I am NOT a fan of the creepy crawlies and recently posted a similar tale. *shivering*

Great blog!

Rebel Mother said...

My house is full of long, hairy legged spiders creeping about. (Its not me, I do shave - honest!).

Charge them council tax, they'll soon move!


The Crap Blog Detective said...

I actually enjoyed this blog. I doubt you can maintain this.

PS: I was given my first pipe at 11

Jennysmith said...

Treasures! Yet more wonderful comments.

Sub, I think Halloween has got to you and you are imagining a spider for supper! And yes, i do know what you mean.

Charlene, how nice of you to visit. Welcome. Your blog is great too. Lovely to meet you.

Rebel Mum, yes, there is no end to these squatters and their endless webs! And they're all non-smoking, you know. They have a cheek to enter our homes and gardens and terrorise us! but light up a fag and its a very different story!

Crap Detective! This really is an honour. And yes, you have laid down the guanlet and I accept your challenge

To the ranks of death sweeties xx

♥ Braja said...

Bloody nerve....

Jeez, Jenny, I haven't seen you since Henry the Dog was around! Nice to catch up with you...

Milla said...

I've told Di about you (edits PRG - site where you saw my autumn thing). Think you should get in touch with her and send her some pieces. 750 words max. You'll have no probs with that - it's Ms Verbosity here struggles to cull the words. If you don't know WHAT I'm talking about, then e-mail me via my blog.
Meanwhile, keep killing the spiders.