Well, my treasures, I am really going to be burnt at the stake. And bloody right too! I am covered, I mean covered, in warts. Head to toe - quite literally. Yes, there too. Vincent Price will appear at my door any moment now for my trial.
Can't say I blame the man. They look pretty hideous.
I reckon its gonoreah or syphilis or something. Husband's probably been with a prostitute. A really cheap sort of one. And spread it to me. He was most perplexed at the silent treatment I gave him tonight. In fact he looked bewildered and hurt - but then they do, don't they, those types.
Or perhaps I caught it from Tescos'. I seem to be living every moment in that bloody place! Every little bit does NOT help actually! Yes, thats it, I can get those bastards for such an affliction.
If not , then its down to the cat. Perhaps its HER who's possessed. Better get down to the doctors tomorrow. A bird one that is. Not having some bloody bloke look at me down there!
Got some loose marigold flowers from Neal's Yard. What a load of old shit! They do not work at all. Nor does my dad's old theory of a banana skin. For Fracks sake!
What am I gonna do? I'm so disfigured, I'm not sure I can leave the house!
5 comments:
It's to do with stress and your immune system. I usually get them when I go on holiday and relax.
You can get some stuff from the chemist that burns them off slowly. Works a treat.
Oh no :(
Good luck at the Dr.s
Jen - just don't look in the mirror and then it won't worry you. Ignore them till they go away- let it be something you blissfully ignore.
You poor thing Jen, I hope they go away quickly. Sounds like you need a good lie down.
Oh my good god mamma,good luck at the docs. Try and seek compensation from Husband and Tesco's. It couldn't possibly be the cat. You could always sue the government. Yeah...it wouldn't surprise me. Hope it clears up soon whatever it is xxx
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