Monday, 23 March 2009


In the words of the great Ken Dodd - what a lovely day for the Bastard List.

And for the first time, the top two are big corporations - and i mean really big ones. The first is the Church. Yes, I know , i know. And the second is the RFU.

Go to a bloody meeting about the Church fete. Some dreadful woman says to me in front of everyone else that she is not helping me on the hoop-la stall because it was quiet and no good last year. Fracking bitch. And anyway all she ever did last year was to relieve me for half an hour, then I didn't see the cow for dust! She's one of those that seem ever so virtuous and willing to help but the truth is she does frack-all. So i've got to do hoop-la all by my bloody self! I mean, When - oh When - am i going to have a bloody fag that day! Didn't like to bring that point up at the meeting.

Sorry, dropped off there. That subject even bored myself. But its true you know. The nastiest and the most hurtful are the God botherers or people of God. I don't know which category i fall into. Probably the Smokers of God -- or something.

And as for that RFU! bloody manager on Saturday completely ignored me - the old whore - and said a bright hello to the bird behind me. I hate bastards who do that. Our old Vicar used to do that (oh bloody hell! i've got back on that again).

So screw them! And the third on my B list is this gereatric old cow who collects her grandaughter from school. Whenever i talk to a teacher or a mate, she always so rudely interupts. I got really pissed off with it today and queried to my mate whether that old bag should be out on her own and which Care Home does she belong to? Anyway I looked round and the bloody woman was behind me! And the look on her face!

I was so ashamed afterwards. She can't be much older than my Mum - and i shouldn't joke about Care Homes - especially as my Dad died in one 18 months ago. And she looked so old and vunerable there in the rain.

But people round here do do that sort of thing. They are so unbelievably rude and snotty. I mean you couldn't get rougher than my old school. You really couldn't. Tattoos, fights - the lot (yes, and that was just the teachers!) but none of them would have dreamt of behaving the way this woman and many others do.

So am torn. Silly old bag - or wronged older woman? Who bloody cares?

Miss Fatso. Going round there for some fags.


Suburbia said...

I sold raffle tickets last Saturday at a community 'do'. I couldn't believe the petty squabling going on behind the sceenes. It reminded me of why I no longer belong to the PTA!

Hoop La by your self? You're a saint!(Ooops, there's that God word again!!)

The Dotterel said...

God (if He exists) does have a rather unfortunate habit of picking 'em, doesn't He?

Wasn't Fatso on Jonathan Woss the other day?

Henry the Dog's Mum said...

Some of the nicest, kindest people I've ever met were atheists. They were intrinsically lovely, not because they wanted to get through the pearly gates. And just because that woman is old and standing in the rain doesn't make her behaviour acceptable. Does it?


Chairman Bill said...

What interests me is why you are going to a meeting about a church fete in the first place.

Closet Catholic?

French Fancy said...

I never put you down as a church-goer our Jen. Me - I've got no time for organised religion.I think churches make lovely blocks of flats - and mosques would as well, only they are always full (so I guess I'd better not turn them into French Fancy Towers - although the minarets would make a great look).

After Hot Fuzz I can't think of a church fete without visualising the brilliant scene.

Anonymous said...

Another blindingly funny post. Thanks for cheering me up!
I agree with you about the interrupting woman. It is irritatingly rude to interrupt like that. Regardless of your Dad's situation, something needed to be said. My reaction would probably have been to sniff the air and tell her she stunk of piss and perhaps that's why she felt it was important to interrupt?

Jennysmith said...

Hello Sub sweetie. Oh yes, stay well away if i were you. And i quit the PTA last year. It all got so nasty! Hope you're well.

Ross couldn't get him, D, Fatso won't consider anything under 6 figures now. Max Clifford was in his shop the other day talking business and now only the Top Notch shows can afford him eg Top Gear, Newsnight, I'm a Celebrity....

Bless you, HDM, you are so right. I wish you were at the school gates with me (and Henry), you'd give me the courage to see her off.

Catholic, CB? Are you calling me a Catholic? Church of England if you please. My story is far from an original one - In twickenham with a new baby, knowing no-one, pretty church by the river, one thing led to another and well, you know the rest...

Bless you, FF. You have some very good points there. I liked Hot Fuzz too.

And bless you too, Dave, there are some severe temptations in your suggestions xxxx

Polly said...

How about old enough to know better.....

Funny how when people reach a certain age they all of a sudden expect the world to kotow to them - and then grumble about the youth of today....perhaps the youth of today have spent too much time volunteering in the old people's home and that's where they picked up their bad habits!