Friday, 27 March 2009

ASBO City

How many more shops am i going to walk out of? At this rate i'll be getting an ASBO.

Shop near Son's school. Run out of parking vouchers don't I. Go in. This really awful Asian woman glares at me, says they don't do them anymore. Fine. Ok. Especially as I see that the old voucher parking spots are now Car Club spots. Someone did explain about them but i've completely forgotten what they said.

Two days later, with only 4 fags left, I go back in the shop. The old bag was there again. Behind her, the white display shelf only has a yellowing sticker for Marlborough.
"Don't you sell fags anymore?" I venture.
"No." she glares.
"Well, this is a pretty f...... * useless shop then, isn't it" I explain as I walk out.
I think it was the way it was said.

Now say what you like about Fatso. Say what you like about the useless fat idle indifferent Git, he will come up with the fags. And if he doesn't have my brand, he will mumble some explanation. Admittedly i don't really listen but at least the fat lump offers one.

And he doesnt have to. Stock my Superkings or explain i mean. He could hurt me in the only way he can. But no, he doesn't. He's loyal in that respect. A bit like some lazy fat labrador that no-one really goes near.

Incidentally there's white people working in Fatso's shop. I can't have that! No telly blasting out the Namaste channel, no talking shit with numerous dodgy-looking relatives. This is not good enough! I don't want that type in my local shop.

I have a theory that Fatso's book - How I was Pursued by Some Crazy Bloody Woman - has been well received. Rumours are it got a good review in The Times Literary Supplement. And that Max Clifford has been sniffing around. Also there is talk in the Launderette that Fatso is now close mates with Stephen Fry and Tony Parsons and He now divides his time between The Ivy, The Groucho Club and Hugh Hefner's mansion. (They'd need a bloody huge hot tub there, I tell you!).

And funny, the last time I saw him heaving out of a posh car, he didn't look angry with me anymore. Why?


* answers on a postcard please

10 comments:

Chairman Bill said...

You should try vaping an e-cigarette. Much cheaper and healthier.

Henry the Dog's Mum said...

Yeah but then she wouldn't have any excuse to go to Fatsos

Henry the Dog said...

If you're nice to him he might let you have a signed copy:)

French Fancy said...

That's a novel way of making people give up smoking - persuade the shops not to stock fags,

Go on - give up.

French Fancy said...

p.s. Hey Jen, you've not joined the BNP have you?

Dave Pie-n-Mash said...

Next time you see the asian lady and she gets stroppy with you, get some eggs. A lot of years ago, when I could run fast (what am I saying - I mean when I could run), one of Fatso's relatives that runs a Spar store near to my Mum and Dad's got lippy with my Dad over two cans of Tennents. When I heard about it I went over there, picked up a carton of eggs and pelted the git behind the counter and then ran out the door shouting some obscenity about cans of Tennents. It turned out to be a win-win for Fatso's relative and me because I got a lot of satisfaction out of it and I gave him a nice conversation piece that he could talk about with customers that went in after me.

Jennysmith said...

Hello my sweets.

Yes, CB, intrigued by that E fag thing on your blog. What is it exactly? And do you need an ashtray and a light?

and yes, HTDM, then when am i gonna taunt Fatso? He comes to expect it now. Its the only company he gets. It would break his poor little chubby heart.

But Henry, i doubt if the tight sod would give it to me for free. He would charge me at least double and i'm not sure he's up to anything as energetic as signing.

Gosh FF, you'll have me shot! No, squash that one straight away. I agree the post smacks of inverted racism but BNP - no way!

Seriously tho', am a bit concerned about the other people in Fat's shop. This one is real! What am i gonna do without the slothful git?

Great Story, Dave, Love the eggs xxx

Polly said...

She sounds like a git personally. Lucky though, Id miss my fatso updates.

Marie and John said...

Hello Jennysmith,

It's so good to be back and I have missed you so much.

I see from reading the previous posts you've been upsetting Fatso again :-)

Shame I wasn't able to join the rest of the gang and Henry the dog in visiting his premises. I will the next time.

How's your toe and did you finish making your skirt.

xxxxx

ed said...

情趣用品,情趣,情色,成人,A片,自拍,情趣用品,情趣,色情,成人影片,色情影片,免費A片,情趣用品,情趣,成人網站,A片下載,日本AV,做愛,情趣用品,情趣,美女交友,A片,辣妹視訊,情色視訊,情趣用品,情趣,色情聊天室,聊天室,AV,成人電影,A片,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣商品,情趣,情趣情色,A片,AIO,AV,日本AV,色情A片,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,A片下載,情色A片,哈啦聊天室,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,色情聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080視訊聊天室,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,免費視訊聊天,上班族聊天室,080中部人聊天室,視訊聊天室,視訊聊天,成人聊天室,一夜情聊天室,辣妹視訊,情色視訊,成人,成人影片,成人光碟,成人影城,自拍情趣用品,A片,AIO,AV,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,日本AV,寄情築園小遊戲,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色文學,色情,色情遊戲,一葉情貼圖片區,色情網站,色情影片,微風成人, 嘟嘟成人網,成人,成人貼圖,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人影片,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,080視訊聊天室,視訊聊天室情趣用品,A片,aio,av,av女優,a漫,免費a片,aio交友愛情館,a片免費看,a片下載,本土自拍,自拍,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色文學,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,色情遊戲,嘟嘟情人色網,一葉情貼圖片區,色情影片,情色網,色情網站,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人小說,成人電影情趣用品,情趣,情趣商品,自拍,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,哈啦聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,H漫,A片,AV,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色小說,情色文學,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,色情遊戲,SEX,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人圖片區情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣商品,A片,A片,A片,A片,A片,A片