Monday, 1 June 2009

Return of the Bastard List

Another bloody rugby match this Saturday. When will this madness ever end?

Anyway Lady Luck fell into my lap (or so I thought) and I got a position on the Tills in the shop. However Bitch cow assistant manager spotted me and put me on bloody security! The old whore!

If popular fiction is to be believed, in a prison, the top and most privilleged job is in the kitchens - and the lowest of the low is in the Laundry. Well, the Tills are the former and security is definitely the latter! And they made me wear a green top! Bastards! Don't they understand how unlucky that colour is! And it wasn't even a nice soft green, it was a cheap and brutal dark and deadly shade! I read recently that Belle Ellsmore, Crippen's wife, recoiled in horror at the colour Green and regarded it as ill luck. Well, she had bloody good reason to, didn't she.

And don't think there was any violence either. I didn't get involved in one good kicking. Not even a bloody strip search! Bastards! Are they on my list or what???

Inset day today. Will this half-term ever end?


Chairman Bill said...

Isn't inset day an excuse for teachers to go out for a piss-up at lunchtime?

Suburbia said...

Thank goodness the bastard list is back! I have missed it so :p

The Dotterel said...

Mee too!

Dave Pie-n-Mash said...

What? No good kickings? What's the point of working security if you can't give someone a slapping? Tell me you at least get to shout "Shut It!" at the shoppers?

Rebel Mother said...

I always fancied going to prison for a nice rest;

Get myself a nice butch bird to look out for me, have dinners cooked, early nights, laundry done...Sounds quite enticing.

However, I really dont like the colour green, dont fancy the strip search - rubber gloves and all that....gone off it now.

Give 'em a good kicking! RMx

French Fancy said...

Hurrah! bastard list back by popular request. Tills Hurrah. Security Boo


Blu said...

You want to strip search people? Yuerk..the thought of what you might find!

Milla said...

grim. Laundry's where it's all at in Prisoner Cell Block H though, are you sure you're reading things right?

dulwich divorcee said...

Excellent bastard list! Very therapeutic. Maybe I should do this instead of pilates?!